remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
