Umm I'm too high to move.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
