its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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