I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
