How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
