despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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