i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
