Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
