I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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