fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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