Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
