Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
