For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
