We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
