thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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