Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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