pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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