I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
