remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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