so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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