the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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