I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
