At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
