He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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