Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The best revenge is premature balding
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
