I can tuck mytits in my pants
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
