whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
