I hate all girls vehemently.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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