doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
