Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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