My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
