You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
