Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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