So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
