she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
