I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i drank out of a bidet.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
