Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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