i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
