She is in my trunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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