I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
