Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
