Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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