omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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