that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
