I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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