He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
