Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
