And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
