I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
