Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
