I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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