Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She told me I should be a condom model.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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