ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize