can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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