1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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