Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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