I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
