based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
