He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize