just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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