That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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