The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
