Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
