The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize