I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
