I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize