i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
