those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
