i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
