that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
