Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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