he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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