Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
