just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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