i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
