he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
