I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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